When I go out for my runs along the path by the river, sometimes I feel like I’ve been drawn into some kind of psychedelic vortex because I hear all kinds of crazy things.
Today I heard the question that we’ve all asked ourselves many times in our lives: “What do I want to be when I grow up?” My answer is that I want to continue doing what I’m doing because I love it: being a Fearless Living Coach and Speaker. Interesting how my answer went automatically to my profession.
But then I heard another question that took me more time to answer: “What do I want to be when I die?” At first, I thought to myself: “How morbid a question. Why would I even need to answer that question?” So I considered it and the answer I got was: I want to be pure, unconditional love. I want to have the experience of complete oneness with everything. I want to feel joy and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Interesting how different my answers were between the 1st and 2nd question.
So then I was reminded of the saying that the “kingdom” is right here, right now and that heaven is here on earth. Well, if that is true, then why aren’t I being who I want to be when I die? What’s stopping me from being all of that now? What is the difference between now and when I die? What’s in the way?
Well, if I were to create the experience I want to have when I die, I’d have to let go of all my righteous positions that cause me to separate myself from everyone else. I’d have to stop judging myself and others. I’d have to let go of all that I think might be true. I’d have to let go of all my attachments. I’d even have to let go of letting go! Is that possible? Is this what enlightenment is?
It has me realizing, or maybe remembering, that , (at least this is what I believe), we have been gifted with the physical incarnation of ourselves to have the experience of eternal life, by realizing our impermanence via the physical form. I get to be who I want to be when I die every day, every moment and every second. I don’t have to wait till the end!
Here I am priding myself on teaching others how to live fearlessly, yet if I am truly committed to modeling it, I must take that next step towards being who I want to be when I die. I must notice all the fears that have me needing to be right, fears that drive me to ultimately suffer.
I guess I have more work to do. AND, this new insight feels inspiring to me because I get to continue being who I want to be when I grow up AND be who I want to be when I die by teaching you to do the same!
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